British Grading System: Confusing Americans Since 1776 (or something)

So. The British school system. I don't really understand it. I know that they call high school "college" and then college is called "university" or "uni" but other than that...it's complicated. Everything else I know comes from Harry Potter...they call math "maths"....there's people called "first years," which are like freshman but I think they are younger than our freshman in America. Also they have weird things like the "Head Girl/Boy" and "Class Prefect," whatever the hell that means. 

Here is a stock photo of some confused girl. 

When I taught school in Ghana, due to their previous British colonization, they had a school system somewhat like the UK. However, I only taught "Form 1" and "Form 2" students and they were all so mixed up and so behind for their age level that it didn't really mean much to me other than their general ages, which was mostly guessing on my part. I also had a class prefect who did my bidding, basically, which was lovely. His name was Ofeh and he was really smart and I miss that kid. He was my obvious favorite. Ah, memories.

But I digress. BACK TO BRITAIN!

So I didn't think much when I moved here about the differences in all this sort of thing. Who cared if I called it college or uni? But what I didn't think about was the grading system. It's such a mess. It defies mathematical logic, I tell you.

So I wrote my first essay, and it was 750 measly words (as it was supposed to be), which, let me tell you, is not enough words to make for a good an argument about international politics or international law. Anyway, I didn't put in a ton of effort as it wasn't going to count for anything and I had other things to do, so I didn't expect an A...probably a B. Well, I get the paper back with the comments and the grade and it says something like "58."

So of course, I FREAK THE @(#*$& OUT. 58?!??!?! I FAILED?! AN F?! I basically had a panic attack and momentarily died. I have never gotten anything less than a B except once, and I fixed that paper and turned it into a B+. Usually I get an A- on things (hello bane of my existence in undergrad), especially things I write because I am a good writer, and my mom is a brilliant woman who helps me edit all the time. (Thanks momma, love youuuuuuuuu!!! xoxo)

So I decide that maybe their system is weird, because one time on the bus a classmate of mine told me something about "nobody ever gets above a 70."

So I google, and I look on my schools website. It turns out this is basically true.

A 70, in this land of mathematical discord, is an A (in university, anyway). You can in fact get above a 70 (if you're a magical unicorn or Albert Einstein or just a super over-achiever who makes everyone else look bad - I'm looking at you, war studies guy who got a 90 something on his thesis last year!) but it's not likely. Basically anything above a 70 is exceptional and publishable, but anyone who gets close to a 70 should be overjoyed. (Why a 70 BASICALLY equals 100% instead of 100 equalling 100% is anyone's guess.)

So my 58, or whatever I got, is actually just fine. It's still a B, it's just some weird alien form of a B. (Like an old Cylon toaster model instead of a Caprica Six)

So in addition to this they have these weird grading scales, called like "a first" (a 1st) and "a second"(a 2:1) and "a third" (2:2) and after that there's some other things. Here's a chart comparing it to the American system:

Basically if you get anything less than a 2:1, places won't want to hire you. Which makes sense, because that would be a 2.5 GPA or less in America, which is horrible. It's like a bunch of C's. So, here's hoping I get a 2:1 and never ever go back to grad school ever again in my life. CHEERS TO THAT. And God save The Queen.

I know, wrong Queen.

P.S. I'm totally not trying to dump on the British system here but logically and mathmatically, the American one makes way more sense. There are plenty of British things that make more sense then American ones, but this, sorry, is not one of them.